RELATIONSHIPSPartnerKeeping Your Relationship In Focus

Keeping Your Relationship In Focus

By: Geralyn St Joseph

How well do you know your partner? Many of us have assumptions about our partners based on limited personal experience. Spending ‘alone time’ together forces us to recognize who we are and who our partners are.

During lockdown, many couples discovered that living together was not quite as easy as they initially thought. The lockdowns forced us to challenge not only our personal expectations but our partner’s expectations as well. 

With the fear factor notched up to a solid 8 [maybe 9], our stress levels were primed to test our mettle. With stress levels so high, and maintaining the tension for so long, our deepest selves emerged – whether we wanted them to or not. The same kinds of things come up when we retire. If we have been mainly focused on the job and day to day tasks, we are often left unprepared to live fully in our relationship. 

This period of time was a good test of the staying power of our relationships. Why? Because all of us encounter stress. Knowing how you and your partner deal with this, both as individuals and together, is essential in truly building a lasting relationship. 

Like it or not, we all deal with trauma at some point in our lives? Does your partner support you? You them? Can you seek help together, or does your partner prefer to ‘keep their head down’ and ‘just get through it’ as if things will simply adjust on their own? Are you the one who prefers to just move through these times? Not processing or healing? Simply ignoring or suppressing your emotions? 

Maybe one of you doesn’t even know how to identify what you are feeling. Unfortunately, this is very common, and often has a higher prevalence in men. This is because, in many cultures, our boys are taught to suppress instead of express. This can cripple them emotionally and keep them from having the deeply loving partnerships they want, need and deserve. Don’t be mistaken, women are not immune to this type of issue. 

These times of stress and trauma are ripe for self-discovery and healing. Seize the opportunity to create a more intimate relationship with your partner, to become healthier and closer to the ones you love. Remember – Asking for help is a sign of strength and commitment. None of us walk this life alone, we are not meant to. 

How do you know the kind of help you need? Honestly, it may take more than one try to find the right fit. You may work best with a relationship coach or therapist. You may want to work together with your partner, but make sure that you are working as individuals, also. It’s more about the individual you select to work with, than just the style of help you are receiving. 

Challenging times will always be present in a relationship. When we took our vows, or made commitments to one another, we accepted and agreed to the statement, “for better or worse.” ‘Better’ is easy and often does little to challenge our relationships. It’s the ‘worse’ that builds strength and character in a partnership. 

Geralyn St Joseph is an Intuitive Relationship Coach who has helped people in finding their best selves and discovering their most fulfilling relationships. She coaches individuals, couples and families. Her style of coaching is direct and nurturing. If you are interested in discovering more, go to: or you can contact Geralyn at [email protected] 

Photo Brooke Cagle