Find And Keep A Good Therapist

By: Jeffrey Hosick

We see people at the worst moments of their lives. We see things we have no way to rationalize.

I have been in the counselling business for 30 years and a firefighter for almost 25 years. I credit my longevity with having a therapist. Even though I am one myself, I need someone who can gracefully accept me with all my flaws. Having a therapist gives me a container where I can be confused, screwed up, feel my full pallet of emotions — for a full hour. I can re-assemble myself and go back into the world. I permit myself to be messed up in the therapist’s office, so it doesn’t appear when I least expect it. I call it the fire prevention of mental health.  

Finding the right therapist

For many years I did not have a therapist because I could not find one that understood the fire service. We work in a highly-traumatized field, but most of it is not our trauma. We see people at the worst moments of their lives. We see things we have no way to rationalize, like the drunk driver walking around the scene while the beautiful kids with the lovely parents are extracted from the wreck. Or having to stand next to a deceased person at 2 am for three hours waiting for the accident traffic reconstruction team to finish and the medical examiner to arrive. It’s what we do. It’s not a popular part of the job, but it is our job, and we do it, nonetheless.

Are you an over-carer?

Seepage happens. As caring individuals, we find it almost impossible to be clinical when it comes to people in pain. One of the added problems with those who serve as volunteers is that we are bonded to those we serve in our community. We cannot be clinical when it’s Uncle John’s house that has a structure fire.

I have had firefighters come to me and say, “Jeff, you are the third therapist I have been to. If it weren’t you, I would have quit and stopped trying. The previous therapists were so overwhelmed that I didn’t even get to talk about what I wanted to talk about.” The problem happens when we go to a therapist and that person either can’t imagine our world or sees it too vividly and cannot function. It’s a waste of time and resources. Another firefighter says he had to spend $5,000 on a psychologist out of his own pocket.

Do you have EAP?

Some municipalities offer employee assistance. Some packages cost as little as $25 a year.  The programs cover, not only the first responder, but also their partner and children, for issues that do not have to be fire-related. Some programs offer multi-lingual services, financial counselling, legal assistance and nutrition education. Compare that cost of $25 to $40 to clean a set of bunker gear, once. The cost can be minimal; you just need to be prepared to interview several therapists before you find the one that fits. It is always best not to wait until you are desperate before you go looking. I always say, never assume your therapist is mentally healthy. Pick carefully, then visit at least once a month.

Jeffrey Hosick – Psychotherapist, Fire Department Chaplain, Trauma Specialist, Author, Professional Speaker and Firefighter